Human Larvae

I'm five years old
It's getting cold out
I've got my big coat on


I hear your laugh
And look up at smilin' at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch
And the tractor rides
Look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs
And fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm 13 now
And don't know how
My friends could be so mean
I come home crying
And you hold me tight
And grab the keys

And we drive and drive
Until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop
'Til I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughin'
On the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out
He's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found
From back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you're talkin' to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarves
My daddy's smart
And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why the all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm takin' this chance to say
I had the best day with you today

The Best Day | Taylor Swift
I've been spamming the Fearless album this week --^

...I wish we referred to babies/kids/teenagers as larvae, like they do in the insect world. It's such an awesome mental image, no?

Anyway, if I were an insect, I am currently in my worker bee/ant phase at the moment. I work with elementary school kids on Wednesday and Saturday afternoons, and I'm going to start taking care of babies on Friday or something. Babies! Yay. That's similar to putting an animal lover on a puppy farm. I really need to stop comparing babies and puppies, but they evoke a similar Aura of Helplessness. And then, well, I have a lot of teenagers in my life at the moment. <3

Oh, so I guess I'll talk a little bit about the specifics of kids I've been seeing lately. :P So yeah, Wed/Sat afternoons are spent with elementary-school kids, mostly 3rd-6th graders, at 大理國小 - Da-Li Elementary - in Wanhua. (Seems like all the schools in Taiwan with which I'm involved start with "Da" - I used to work at 大平國小 Da-Ping Elementary in Hsinchu) Grade schoolers in Taiwan go to school on Saturday mornings, I think, and get Wed afternoons off. This sounds like a fair trade-off, except it means that kids whose parents both work during the weekdays have nobody around on Wed afternoons. So that's where we come in. We plan activities at school on Wed afternoons, and Saturday afternoons we just go to a local park and play with them/work some Bible stories in. I feel bad, because the only kids whose names I know by now are bad kids because they're forever getting called on by teachers to quit naughty behavior. Honestly... I find it a little hard not to empathize with them, because most of them are just really bored. I was always bored in Sunday School and CIs. I'd know. ;p The little 6th grade girls latch onto me and try to make me do things for them. Unfortunately, I know their wily ways (having been one myself, once again) so it doesn't work.

I always forget this aspect of Taiwanese culture, too, but children here are pretty respectful to teachers. I'm fine with being called the equivalent of "Miss Katherine" or something, but they call me "Teacher Fan." It always makes me want to look behind me to see the old, proper grown-up to whom they are no doubt referring. Being adult-like is so difficult for me... it is pretty synonymous with "boring" and "old" in my head. :P

On Saturday afternoon, we went to the local park to play games with kids and tell them stories. I am still sore from relay races where I ran laps while bent over, grabbing my ankles. After that, we told Bible stories. At first, only one small girl remained, shiny black eyes earnest with interest. She made several vociferous, wrong answers which forced me to practice that fine art of Not Laughing In A Child's Face When She Does Something Absolutely Irresistible. (I firmly believe it is important not to laugh at people when they are in earnest, but I fail at this a lot. My excuse? I was laughed at a lot as a kid. :\ I know, it's a terrible excuse. ^_^ These days, I confine the mocking to my friends. Kids are safe around me!! ...To my face, anyway. ;P)

Anyway, if the little girl had been the storyteller, God would have rescued Daniel from crocodiles, not lions. And finally, to tack on a lovely moral to the story, [the other] Kat asked her if there were similar situations in her life which she thought were impossible to achieve.

Kat: "Maybe at school?"
Small Charmer: [deep thought] "Oh, yes."
Kat: "What is it?"
Small Charmer: "That anyone could eat 100 bowls of rice!"

Sigh, little ones. Oh, how I love your minds.

I've been thinking a lot of late about adoption and things. Well, just kids in general, I guess. Kids were a huge part of my life before I left for college, and I sort of missed seeing them around underfoot. Not too much, because college kids have a good deal of childish traits as well, ^_^ but you know what I mean. Being around youngers is good for me 'cuz it makes me think about my actions and how they might be construed by other people. I prefer this kind of self-motivated action check to the whole Asian culture admonition of "you can't do that, because little kids will do what you do" - but yeah.

Anyway, I look at these kids and think about how far a little lovin' will go with them. I take my parents' love for granted... maybe not their acceptance or approval, but at least they love me despite themselves sometimes. ;p I can't imagine what it would be like, not knowing for sure whether or not one person in the world gave a [positive] crap about my existence. Maybe it's my "Cameron" complex (House reference), but it makes me want to be that one person in their lives who can sincerely say, "I love you no matter what." I want to be able to give these unwanted children that experience.

...So it makes me ponder something I've heard from a few different people in college. I never really considered a future family without my own kids by birth, but I'm contemplating the idea of it. I wouldn't flat-out say, "I never want to bear my own children" - that's not it at all - but there are so many kids already living in this world who need the kind of love and care that I would want to offer if I ever became a parent. And kids, unlike strays at the pound, can't really just be cast aside/put to sleep after two weeks of abandonment. (Cruel as it is to dogs... I'm okay with that, because there's no other solution. Sad, but necessary)

Yet society throws a huge fit about dogs being put to sleep simply because the resources to care for them don't exist... while we continue to churn out kids (per the pro-life movement, which I do support, btw) because we're against terminating life... yet we don't truly give them the chance to experience life as God meant it to be. I feel like I can't rant about it unless I commit to doing something about it for myself. This issue of giving kids a second chance at a loving family is something I'm deeply passionate about. And I question my ability to live out impartial parenting, if I were to have my own kids and adopted children at the same time. I'd probably go out of my way to make sure my adopted ones felt as loved and accepted by me as the ones I bore. And then that would end up being some sort of favoritism as well. I donno. I will worry about it later, after other hurdles have been crossed. But yeah, it's been on my mind a lot of late. Aw, kiddies.

As for teenagers, I have all of those wonderful Lighthouse kids I love. There are also the high schoolers I know from Taiwan. I guess this includes my own brothers. :P I've always been a little regretful that I get to know all these Austin teens so well, but have little or no chance to interact with the boys I SHOULD be closer to. (Maybe that's just my Asian family values surfacing, but yeah) But Jon and I had a very long heart-to-heart a few nights ago over Gchat, bless its heart. :P Talking to my baby brothers about relationships and girls and things is kind of weird, but in a good way. They grow so fast. I think it really bugs my mom that I talk about anything of which she disapproves, but... *shrug* Kids ask, and I answer! I try to be truthful and not encourage wrongdoing, but she still doesn't like it. Ach, well. This is why people have older siblings. This is why I would have liked having one. :P

My grandma's been sick this week... it's a little worrisome because she's 94 or something. (I know, impressive) She looks kind of miserable, but staunchly refuses everything I offer her: More blankets, socks to keep her feet warm, hot water, soup, bed. Instead, she tells ME to wear more clothes and drink more water. Go figure. ^_^ I don't care much about when I get married or whatever, but I kind of hope she's still around by the time I get to that point. :\ She's my only remaining grandparent. Oh, and it would be cool if my future husband could speak Chinese. I want her to like him. She approves of almost everything we grandkids do (except wear T-shirts in the wintertime), so I don't think her approval a major hurdle or anything, but it would still be nice. Future husband, take note: You are to show up while Grandma is still here, and you are to speak Chinese, and you are to charm her non-existent socks off. Or else I will bite you. (By the time you read this, you probably will already be aware that this is a very valid threat)

I'm headed back to Taipei (and no wireless) in an hour or so, so toodles for a while! ^_^ I won't lie; coming home has been really nice (this is sort of new to me). I miss easy access to Internet, and I have many more English books here. I'm going back armed with downloaded movies and GRE prep books, so here's to diligence and distractions in the capital, whoo whoo. I packed my camera as well, so maybe there will be more images on this blog again. It's getting really hard to edit pictures with that whole top left of my screen gone... that's where all the option menus are!

P.S. I forgot to mention this, but I had a chiropractor's visit yesterday and had some traditional Chinese cupping on the side. Contrary to my former belief (it was my first time, and he just up and did it without my really knowing it was on the bill of fare), it is NOT "just like a hickey" in that it leaves horrific-looking bruises... it hurts quite a bit, especially at first. Hah. But now I'm back to bragging about my battle scars, so what have you.

Also, I'll be in Hong Kong from 12/6-12/14, so come hang out with me if you're anywhere in the area! Not having a visa/citizenship has its travel perks. Oh, yeah, the bad news is that citizenship is no longer an option for me, since I'm over 20. Boo.