Miss Independent wants her some BABIES

Ooh
It's something about
Just something about
The way she moved
I can't figure it out
There's something
About her
(About her)
Say ooh
There's something
About kinda woman
That want you
But don't need you
Hey
I can't figure it out
There's something
About her
'Cuz she walk like a boss
Talk like a boss
Manicured nails
Just sent
The pedicure off
She's fly effortlessly
'Cuz she move like a boss
Do what a boss
Do, she got me thinking
About getting involved
That's the kinda girl
I need

She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss Independent
Won't you come
And spend a little time
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss Independent
Ooh the way you shine
Miss Independent

Hey, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeahhh, mmm
Ooh
There's something
About kinda woman
That can do
It for herself
I look at her
And it makes me proud
There's something
About her
There something
Ooh
So sexy
About the kinda woman
That don't even
Need my help
She says she got it
She got it
No doubt
There's something
About her
Cuz she work
Like the boss
Play like the boss
Car and a crib
She about
To pay 'em both off
And her bills
Are paid on time
She made for a boss
Solely a boss
Anything less
She's telling 'em
To get lost
That's the girl
That on my mind

She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come
And spend
A little time
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh
The way you shine
Miss Independent

Yeah, yeahhh

Her favorite thing
Is to say
Don't worry, I got it
And everything she got
Best believe
She bought it
She gon' steal my heart
Ain't no doubt about it
Girl
You're everything I need
Said you're everything
I need

She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Wont you come
And spend a little time
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh the way you shine
Miss independent
That's why I love her

Catchy, catchy song. Almost annoyingly so. ^_^

Okay, my new favorite site(s) of the year is/are my Mom or Dad is a FOB (courtesy of Rose Kuo... thank you). So for you non-immigrant-child readers, "FOB" is a [formerly pretty derogatory] slang term for "fresh-off-the-boat" immigrants. We use the term these days to distinguish between people born overseas (FOBs) and those of foreign ethnicity who are born in the U.S. (American-born Chinese [ABCs], like me).

For a lot of first- and second-generation kids, growing up in an English-speaking environment has interesting repercussions when we interact with our foreign-language-speaking parents.

[Watching the new remake of The Phantom of the Opera]

Mom (completely mesmerized): What’s seduction mean?
Me (trying to act nonchalant): Uh…
Mom: TSK! You get 2260 on SATs and you don’t know??

For instance. ;p It's the most hilarious thing I've read in I-don't-know-how-long, and it's so incredibly true sometimes. ^_^ The better one's parents' English usually is, of course, the funnier their occasional slip-ups are.

I guess you might wonder why, when I usually rant so strongly about racial jokes, I choose to share these sites. :P Beneath the thick layer of hilarity lies a solid bedrock of love. For me, these humorous anecdotes sum up the sacrifices that immigrant parents have made to create a good life for their children. I teared up a little bit when I read emails from several parents, struggling to pour out their hearts in broken English to tell their kids how excited they were to see Obama in office and what it meant for them personally in their quest to find America the land where immigrant dreams have a chance to come true. These parents have put aside their own cultures and expectations (sometimes ;p) to familiarize themselves with the language, environment, and lifestyles of their children. And often, we turn out so, so different from anything in their histories. It's a cool, tongue-in-cheek testament to our parents. <3

It's a little hard to express just what I mean... so I'll quote one of the moms: "Aii, you know what I mean. WhatEVER."

^_^ That was a long explanation for you non-FOB kids out there, and I got a little sappy toward the end. ;P

Here's my own mom:

Kat Fan
4:53 AM
I love you!
Hey
www.mymomisafob.com

intotheglory
4:54 AM
That was one of the greatest greetings I happened to know of
What was that strange link?

Kat Fan
4:56 AM
It's a bunch of moms like you!
Who say hilarious things
<3 We love you all

intotheglory
4:58 AM
I don't quite understand you. But your conclusion is good. So I won't complain.

Kat Fan
4:58 AM
Hahahaha

I'm turning into such a sap! I kind of love it, honestly. :\ I feel a little bit like Jo March and her description of her "thorny burr of a soul softening in the spring sunshine" or whatever the exact quote is. (I need to re-read that book)

So yeah, parenting talk naturally leads me to BABIES. So BABIES it is again. Hey, when babies grow up without a mama, what's their first word? :( The question came to mind yesterday, and I can't get it out of my head. :(

I'm not allowed to tell the babies' names, so I'm going to rename them based on traits or people they remind me of. So there's Timmy Two, the lone boy I mentioned. Poor thing, I think he has some very slight developmental problems. :( He needs some one-on-one lovin'. After I put him down for his nap yesterday, he cried himself sick, fell over while sitting up (he doesn't have very good balance yet) and cut his forehead. Awwwww. He spent the day with a large piece of gauze taped to his head, reminding me very much of another Timmy I know. Hahahaha. He knows his Chinese name - they all do - and they all look up so excitedly when anyone calls them. I know all of the five bigger babies' names now. The other three sleep all the time. :P (They're literally babies, in the most infantile sense of the word)

I fed Timmy2 breakfast today. He is... quite messy. Hahhhhh. For one thing, he thinks the way to swallow is by sticking his tongue out. :P So I think every spoonful took me three passes - one into his mouth, another to scrape the gunk off his chin, and the third to shove it back in again. Oh, you small imp. The thing is, I don't have the heart to even tease him very much. It's not like he's deliberately trying to be bad. He just has no idea how to do things. He needs to be told that he's really very smart. Poor baby. :(

On the other hand, "Ramona," nicknamed after Beverly Cleary's adorable preschool terror, is a total brainiac. It's quite sad, because if she were some young mom's first child, she would be touted as a genius all day long. She's the smartest little whip I've ever seen. She spends half the day propped on the railing of her crib by her arms, because she's learned that it makes everyone look at her and pay her attention ('cuz it's dangerous, child!). She's tiny and smart and full of sass. If she could talk, she'd be smack-talkin' me all day. As it is, I yelled, "Down!" a few times at her today and she instantly gave me dirty looks. (So funny. So adorable.) She also likes blowing noisy raspberries, putting her feet on the table of her high chair while being fed (dexterous little gymnast) and kicking up the fold-over table of her chair in one smooth motion. Brilliant! Such a little smartie. And so naughty. Poor babykins. She deserves proper punishment for being bad... not because nobody has enough time to give her all the attention she wants. :( I went over to her once today to tell her to crawl back down the crib, and she put her arms up begging to be held. I [of course] succumbed, and then realized what a bad mistake it was when I had to put her down again later. Baby, I cry with you. You deserve so much better.

I kind of want to keep Ramona too now, of course.

Let's see... One of the baby girls is probably a dream child. She does not need extra attention in either the Timmy2 sense or the Ramona sense. In fact, she coos quietly to herself, never cries, and goes to sleep when bored. She has the same Chinese nickname as Tiffie, so I'll call her Tiffany. She just stands by the side of her crib, big black eyes alert and content. I would love to keep her too, just 'cuz she deserves to be rewarded for being so perfect.

Hehehehehe. I was trying to think of what to call Miss Chunky today. She is SOLID. Um, the nickname "Chunkzilla" came to mind, but that's just too awful to call any girl of any size except lovingly, and in a foreign language she does not understand. I don't wish to encourage name-calling in myself, so I thought further about names... "-zilla" reminds me of Olivia, whose screenname is Livizilla... so maybe I should call her Olivia. So, Olivia, you have a very fat little namesake in my orphanage. ^_^ <3 She's pretty well-behaved as well. Like I mentioned, she honestly looks like a little gorilla - she's SO jowly. It's awesome and a testament to good orphanage upbringing - she sat quietly in her booster seat earlier and ate just about everything she was given.

There's a final little one who has yet to attach herself to a particular name in my head. It's harder for me with her and "Olivia," because the two of them go by English names in the orphanage (not sure why). So... I dunno. Suggestions? She's one of the kinds who likes to play while eating. Non-stop. I got the privilege of feeding her breakfast. AHHHH, so much crying when not allowed to hold "Olivia's" hand during breakfast. So much constant writhing about in the little walker. SO MUCH CONSTANT MOVEMENT. But for all that, she's still a doll. Honestly, none of them are trouble-makers. It's just so rare that they get to be out of their cribs that I can't find it in my heart to scold them for making the most of it. ...Heck, I can't keep still, and I have an entire city to roam.

So that's the five bigger ones... almost toddlers, I'd say, maybe all between 9-12 months old? They all look to be right around the same age and size, heh (except Olivia, who is a total Chunkzilla ^_^).

Now for the babies.

...If any of you are in the market for perfect children, I really think this is the place to come. It's sort of a given that newborns will cry a lot, but the two older infants have never made a sound in the hours I've been here - even while the newborn bawls non-stop. (Poor thing hasn't yet learned that she won't get the same response she would in a normal two-parent family :( ) They sleep through everything. They lie silent or cooing softly even when awake and smack on their backs. They are awesome. They are... almost not human. Haha. Unfortunately, their constant sleep habit prevents me from getting to know them very well. I haven't picked up either one.

Bitty Baby, on the other hand, is a red-blooded person. Tiny though she may be, she has the kind of lungs evolutionarily touted as equipment for "the survival of the fittest." She cried non-stop through my morning session... I hear she has some painful diaper rash, but alas, we were busy feeding the older ones and couldn't really just cuddle and soothe her. It kind of wrung my heart. Anyone that tiny deserves attention when they're in pain. :( It's even sadder when she would quiet down instantly when the receptionist found a few spare moments to run in and hold her. These babies are the stuff wistful 80s love songs are written to describe.

AHHHHHHH babies.

After we finished feeding 'em all, I swept and mopped the floor while the hired nurse prepared their next meal, and bathed all five of the bigger babies. She's fast, that one! She's actually really sweet. I like her a lot. For a "mom" of eight, she's surprisingly efficient, yet still as good to them (or better) than a lot of moms are to their own children. She scolds, but with reason, and with love evident in her voice. She encourages them to the best of her ability. She's pretty overworked, honestly, but still takes the time to give them as much individual attention as she can. She refers to herself as "Mama" to the kids.

Babies don't offer very much two-way communication, so I found myself left mostly alone to my thoughts while doing all this. Honestly, I'm kind of depressed. We make such a big deal these days of baby development... talking to them while in-utero, making sure they feel loved, reading aloud to them, marking milestones. Did anyone take pictures of these kidlets' first teeth? First steps? When did Ramona first learn to crawl up her crib? Does Timmy know how cute he is? Did anyone tell Phoebe that everyone loves chubby little girls the best? Does Tiffany know that she really is a GOOD girl, compare her to whomever you will? Does Bitty Baby know that we really are sorry we can't come pick her up right now?

Maybe it's just 'cuz I'm working with grade schoolers right now as well, but the thought of these kids growing up even less fortunate than those cutie imps of mine in school really makes me want to cry. Even though the nurse is so good to them... they'll be leaving her soon. And will the next Mama be as nice? Will she know their names?

Argh, it's so depressing and I have never been closer to advocating abortion than I am right now. I'm glad the choice of life and death is not in my hands, because in my limited human judgment, it would be better to never expose a child to a near-guaranteed lifetime of repeated rejection. Gosh, it's so easy to make a baby. But to keep and raise a baby, ah... Rawr.

Haha, so I was thinking last night... I think what I said last post is true - Raising a kid is a huge responsibility. And having a dad around makes parenting so much easier. But non-marriage is not an excuse. If I reach a certain age and stability in my life (like... 30? and full-time job?), I think I'll start applying to adopt kids regardless of my marital state. Here's why I think it:

1) Having one parent is better than having none. God says that he'll be a father to the fatherless, anyway. I'm not going to hide behind the mentality that I need a man around to validate my parenting abilities. I definitely can't do everything, and it would be a helluva harder job to go alone, but it seems almost cowardly to not at least try to make a difference. I mean, the adoption agency could always say, "Sorry, we're looking for traditional parental units." At least I die knowing that I tried. ^_^

2) Lots of guys say they're okay with the idea of adopting. Having a kid will prove whether or not they mean it. :P Yeah, I know. Kids are considered a "burden" in today's society when it comes to relationships... but if God gives me a kid to care for, then any guy who wants me will have to take him/her too as part of the package. And yeah, it's a lot of stress to raise a child while working... but maybe I've read too many novels along the lines of The Memory Keeper's Daughter and Anne of Green Gables. :P ...Also, I think if I acquired a kid through non-sexual behaviors, my parents would definitely help me out. ;p

3) Plenty of single moms give their kids a good life. It might not be "ideal," but idealism is overrated anyway. Life is what you make it. I'll just tell the kid over and over again, "Sorry, Mommy's not perfect. But I love you anyway." It worked with me and my mom... ;p

I'm just spouting off ideas. Don't worry, no adoption papers have gone anywhere yet. But believe you me, I'll think about it.

After exhausting my head and heart with babies all morning, I grabbed a quick bite and an hour of Internet time before heading off to one of the "malls" in Taipei to pass out tracts with one of the other OMF workers, haha. She and I prayed, then each took a bag of Christian magazines and passed them out to the sales attendants in the various booths. I haven't passed out tracts in a dozen years (although I've fliered in Jester, and that's a worse experience). It was a deja vu moment for me - when we first moved to Taiwan, Mom would hand us kids stacks of tracts to pass out in the park near where I now live with my uncle. It's funny to see what a huge circle I've taken with my understanding of God since then.

I'm glad for a lot of things. I don't entirely hold with tract-passing (look at me, all hoity-toity), 'cuz... I feel like it's a very impersonal way to communicate something very intimate - but since it was just a preliminary gesture toward building personal relationships, I'm pretty okay with what we did today. I'm glad for my natural lack of shame and embarrassment. It makes it easier to get turned down by people. I'm glad that I'm extroverted, because it means that meeting 40 new people in 15 minutes isn't painful for me. I'm very glad for my journalism training, because even with all of the extroverted optimism going for me, nobody likes starting conversations cold-turkey. I'm glad even for tiny dumb things like perfectly brace-straightened teeth... one less thing to be self-conscious about. I'm glad for my childhood tract-passing experience. I know to smile, speak up, say the right thing, and use two hands when I give someone something.

I know I've wavered a lot through the years with my understanding of what God wants out of me, but this past week has made something loud and clear: Everything that's happened in my past happens for a reason. I have all this baby/kid experience for something. Growing up in Taiwan was not for naught. I was meant to be a journalism major for something bigger than mere interest. I'll go into more detail about this at the end of the trip or something, but wow, I was meant to be here.

...Is it ungrateful of me to say that I still wobble a lot with faith? I don't say that I'm a "missionary with OMF" because... that sounds too noble for what I'm really doing. I'm just being me, doing things I truly enjoy doing.

It feels good.

I've been reading C.S. Lewis's "The Problem of Pain." Chapter 3 is wowza. If ever there was an eloquent writer, C.S. Lewis it is. His work is pretty heavy, and I often have to read paragraphs a few times through to make sure I really grasped his point, but I think I owe him a big "Thank you" when I get to heaven. I'm not sure I can verbalize why, but he makes me feel a lot better about being stupid. :P

See, a negative aspect to my turning into a big softie is that I want to cry all the time. Haha. I know, I know, I was bound to manifest my girliness sooner or later. I want to cry when my babies cry, because I want to cuddle them some more as well. I want to cry when I see my loved ones struggling to find happiness. Crying's only something I do when I can't do anything else. I get this from my mom, but we're problem-solvers. We figure out a way to make stuff happen. So the reason I never cry is because I always want to think, "I can fix this. I can do something about this." This is the year that reality has knocked me off my arrogant high horse, and I realize that I really can't do anything. And so the tears hover there, somewhere behind my eyes, ever-waiting the opportunity to manifest themselves. I still have enough control to not spill them, but these things really "weigh on my heart," as Sara Crewe says. The proper Christian response is of course to "leave it all in God's hands," and I guess I do because I know I can't do anything about it. But in a sense, I welcome this heaviness of heart, because... haha, I guess I feel like Claire: "It makes me feel alive." I'm upset because I care about other people... and that, at least, means I've broken out of my self-centeredness.

Meep, I... don't know if this is a good post or not. XD Then again, I don't know if I had a good day or not!

Long-term concerns aside, I had fun with my babies today. <3 I love them.

OH, hey, to un-emo this post again... I got some new contacts for the fun of it (and also because the old ones were bothering my eyes). I went with some colored ones this time, to see what they're like. But... I got black, because they told me it would make my eyes look bigger. Hahaha. Intrigued with the prospect of anime eyes, I succumbed. You tell me if they look any bigger! (I don't think so) I want to go get purple and green and gray and blue. I would totally, TOTALLY get red if I could, but alas, they're not very adventurous. Punks.

I think I merely look a little Photoshopped.